Oh good lord, here we go again.
Fucking internet dating...
Let's just say I've done this before. Kinda.
By "done this" I mean, I've set up the exact same Tinder and OKCupid accounts more times than I can count, spend several weeks on it, get depressed by the assholes and idiots who message me and then delete my account (I should probably learn to deactivate rather than delete, but I always say "I'm never doing this again!" before inevitably doing it again. My email is even autostored on OKCupid...*sigh*).
So alas, here I am...doing it again.
UPDATE: I AM A GENIUS! I only deactivated instead of deleting last time (apparently old dogs can learn new tricks!). So step 1: complete.
My old profile is pretty lame, but whatever. I'll keep it and see what happens.
Step 2? Delete all of the messages ever.
Even though I'm keeping my old profile, I'm starting with a fresh perspective on the males of the interwebs and that means completely obliterating any previous interactions.
Step 2: complete.
Step 3: update photos so I don't look like an alcoholic. I got a few messages last time I had my account noting how many pictures I'm drinking in. LOLZ. I LIKE TO DRINK OKAY?! Deal with it.
I also tend to look better when I'm going somewhere to drink.
Because apparently sweatpants with no make-up while clinging to a bottle of wine on the couch is not a look people find attractive when seeking a mate. Who knew.
Step 3: complete.
In the middle of step 3, I've already received my first message! HUZZAH.
All it says is: "Hello". DEEP.
Wow, this guy is trying hard to get to know me already. *swoon*
Looking at his one sentence or one word profile answers, I can tell he's a reaaaaal talker. His answer to the question "On a typical Friday night I am...", he says, "Any good things, they are not same :))"
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, GUY?
Step 4: Make contact.
Okay, so this first guy has made no effort, is bald, is younger than me and has left little than the 39% match to go off of. Should I message back in the name of internet science? No, fuck you guys. You'll have to wait for something a little more than that
Step 4: Incomplete (for now).
Step 5: Fill out some of those personality quiz questions
For some reason answering a question about how much I enjoy oral (I seriously just answered that) is supposed to help find me the man of my dreams. Who knew.
BACK TO STEP 4! More messages! (I'm hoping this confirms that I am not a horrible-looking ogre).
Message 2: "Hello there studly"
Seriously, guys, what the hell am I supposed to do with these messages?? Your profiles and messages are vague as shit.
Luckily he had a link to 'Can I kick it?' by A Tribe Called Quest on his profile, which I, TRUE STORY, am listening to right at this moment. That warrants a message. Which is pretty much that sentence I just typed out here.
Message 3: Someone with an actual fucking question! My god, there are people who want to say more than hello! Someone who has tried a minuscule amount. Messaged back. Good job, fella.
Okay, so there are an overwhelming number of underwhelming messages and so far no one I find all that attractive :/ But for you guys and for science, I'm responding. I have a feeling this experiment is going to get very old, very fast (Tinder is a hell of a lot less work, so I'm ready to start on that bandwagon later), but, for you, I'll continue on!
Update: I found a feature on OkCupid called "QuickMatch" which is basically like Tinder. So I can still be a shallow, judge-y aasshole on OKCupid too? ALRIGHT!
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