Friday, July 18, 2014

Foods before dudes

So I've unveiled my secret plan (so secret even I didn't know it was my plan!) as to why I'm actually dating (besides SCIENCE!).
...Wait for it....


Food.

Food and wine will always be my great loves.
Food is always going to my first and foremost (sorry, Wine, try not to take it too personally. You just came into my life so much later than food did).
But what's better than food?

FREE FOOD.

Ah yessss. The one thing that can get me to do almost anything (the company I work for has discovered this weak spot in most of their employees and regularly uses it to appease the masses).

So dating.
If you're a girl, do you know what you get on a date? Paid for (and, hopefully, not for sexual favors. Just your meal, drink, coffee).
Now I'm not saying this is fair. In fact, I think it's pretty stupid. My exes and I have almost always split the bills because making the guy pay for everything is absolutely ridiculous. Even on a first date.
So I will always offer to pay for half (or at least my half).

HOWEVER.
Girls suffer a lot of bias because we happen to have vaginas and bigger boobs (bigger than *most* dudes at least). So if we happen to get a free meal every now and then because of said vagina, so be it. No argument here! I'll make a genuine offer, but won't fight you if you offer me the one thing I love most in the world--free food.

So my super-top-secret plan? See how much free food I can get!
Date sucks? No prob! I got this delicious doughnut out of the deal.
Super creepy dude? It's okay, I've only got eyes for this tasty tamale!
Horrible conversation? Don't sweat, there's always my mouthwatering mac&cheese to keep me company!

Also, THANK GOD my 'what will we eat on Sunday' problem has been solved!
No need to choose because I can eat ALL OF THE THINGS thanks to his suggestion and Bite of Seattle.
Who cares about the first date now? I GET TO EAT SO MUCH FOOD
#longhairdontcare
The fact that I'm so excited about the food makes all of my nerves about the date fade away. How can I worry about if he's cute or boring or not, when there are FREE SAMPLES about?


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